Subterranean isolation-Home schooling blues The Voice of North Grenville


by Peter Johnson (Upper Oxford Mills)

Greetings North Gremlins:

This would be a good time to sit back and reflect on how all of these changes are affecting us. After all, we have been a pretty lucky bunch of generations up until now. The Queen made reference to sacrifices that were made during World War II. Both of my parents were born in 1921. They grew up in the Depression of the 20’s and The Dirty 30’s. They turned 18 in 1939…the same year that war broke out in Europe. My father promptly signed up for the RCAF…as did many of his high school friends. Many never came home. I did not envy my parents one tiny bit. But I never heard them complain…well my father apparently had to walk four miles to school…up hill both there and back, but otherwise, there were no real complaints.

I was born after the war. Perfect. Not only a great time to be born, but to be born a Canadian…Double Bonus! By the time I noticed that girls were different and music was pretty interesting, ‘The British Invasion’ was underway. I led a charmed life compared to my parents’ generation. But now we are facing a very ‘clear and present danger’. It will require the best of all of us. Non-compliance by any in our communities will simply put us all at risk and extend this period of isolation. So, here is my effort to help out in these ‘trying times’; perhaps a bit of levity will help to lighten the load, or at least make the days a bit less tedious.

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I need to practice social- distancing….from the refrigerator.

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called ‘THE KITCHEN’. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. How is this place still in business?

Last week I was so excited – it was garbage day. I would get to go outside, all the way down to the mailbox! ‘What should I wear?’ That was my biggest dilemma of the morning.

Couldn’t decide where to go for Easter – The Living Room or The Bedroom.

Every few days, I’d try on my jeans just to make sure they fit.
But, beware of your pajamas – they would have you believe that all is well in the kingdom.

I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed our clocks that we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came back into the house,
told Archie and Eleanor – my two Schnoodles… We laughed a lot.

I expect to see this in the local paper soon – Classified Ad: ‘Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good, clean fun.’

Day 4 of Home schooling: Two students suspended for fighting + 1 teacher put on probation for drinking on the job.

Day 5 of Home schooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

Day 6 of Home schooling: My child just said, “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year”. No supper for that one.

And furthermore: THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE:

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.” (Cher…after she married Sonny? or Gregg Allman…or after both?)

“The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.”(Henny Youngman) “I love being married. It’s so great to find that special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”(Rita Rudner)

Be well North Gremlins. Look out for each other. Stay in touch…but don’t touch.


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