by Peter Johnson, Upper Oxford Mills
Greetings North Gremlins. Are we on the brink? Is there a change coming – a movement? It just might be the most hazardous of times for us all. Coinciding with the warmest weeks of the year, restrictions are being lifted, isolation is being ‘relaxed’, and the natural tendency is going to be to visit with those you have missed since almost the beginning of March. But that might be the insidiousness of this disease; because it can lie in hiding; because a carrier is blissfully ignorant of how contagious they might be, the very ones they love the most might be the very ones that they endanger. Now, as before, we need to listen to the medical experts and be very cautious. And, following my own advice, I have very cautiously trawled the Inter-Web for the following gems. I present them to you for your enjoyment and consideration. Be well, and let us watch out for each other. We are a strong community because that has always been our practice.
Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, “What is three times three?” “274,” was the reply. The doctor says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?” “Tuesday,” replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, “Okay, your turn. What’s three times three?” “Nine,” says the third man. “That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?” “Simple,” says the third man. “I subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”
Shower Thoughts: Pt. 1
Pregnant women are the only true bodybuilders.
Why is there an ‘s’ in lisp…it’s kind of cruel, isn’t it?
Searching online for a new computer is forcing your current computer to dig it’s own grave.
‘Take out’ refers to food, romantic dating and murder. Maybe that is why, in some places, they have changed the expression to ‘take away’.
My head and face are very slowly, but surely, 3D printing my hair.
The buzzword for most elections is “CHANGE.” Candidates toss it around without saying what they want to change to. Just that we need CHANGE! This brings to mind the following illustration…
Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a lieutenant who inspected his Marines and told the “Gunny” that they smelled bad. The lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The “Gunny” responded, “Aye, aye, sir. I’ll see to it immediately.” He went into the tent and said, “The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and he wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, Brown, you change with Schultz… Change, now get on with it!” And the moral is: A candidate may promise change… but the stink remains!
The Very Different Mind of Stephen Wright:
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a poor memory.”
“Whenever I think of the past, it brings back some memories.”
“I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.”
“I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.”
“George is a radio announcer. When he walks under a bridge, you can’t hear him talk.”