A Modest Proposal: Part III



by Peter Johnson

Greetings North Gremlins. Here is my follow up to ‘A Modest Proposal: Pt II’.

Just as an aside, the original ‘Modest Proposal’ was written in 1729 by Dr. Jonathon Swift. “The essay suggests that poor people in Ireland could ease their economic troubles by selling their children as food to the elite.” (Wikipedia) As satire, Dr. Swift was implying that the English had already plundered his country of all of its resources, but healthy, plump children might be used as a source of food, in order to finish what they – the English – had started. It stands as, “one of the greatest examples of sustained irony in the history of English literature.” (Wikipedia)

My proposal that we change our political system and try bringing it up to date with our times is no match for the irony in the original proposal… nor was it quite as gruesome. But now for something a wee bit lighter.

Part 1… in which I channel my inner Cliff Clavin (that fella from ‘Cheers’?): 1) The navy ship USS New York was built with recycled World Trade Centre steel. 2) Speaking of leaping tall buildings, Superman’s birthday? Feb. 29th….Leap Day. 3) Age when driving skills start to decline? 65 Age when most stop driving? 85 4) The 3rd caller to Bill Clinton after he was elected? Whoopi Goldberg 5) What did Elvis Presley wear when watching football? A helmet—of course.

Part 2…A look at the news: According to the CBC, a CSIS officer was investigated after she reported that a superior had raped her. Wait! What? She was reported? This is how many years after female RCMP officers came forward with similar reports? And how many times have female members of the military and paramilitary/police organizations come forward with complaints about inappropriate actions? A whole lot of nothing gets done! What is wrong with this picture? Quite obviously, the male members (pardon the bad pun) of these organizations do not see the need for equality of the sexes/genders… that’s what these actions clearly show.

“Popular musicians so mad about ticket prices that they signed a letter.” (CBC) Gasp. As part of the ‘rich get richer…’ scenario, Ticket Master, and their ilk drive many customers away from even considering going to live performances. I stopped buying tickets years ago because of the ridiculous add-on expenses that companies like this tagged on. (This from someone who does live performances himself – albeit, I’m still waiting to sell my first ticket).

“Ontario NDP Leader Marit Stiles has given Premier Doug Ford a deadline to step in and reverse the ban on the wearing of keffiyehs at the provincial legislature or else she says the NDP will defy the ban. ‘We’ve been working to reverse the keffiyeh ban inside the walls of Queen’s Park, but Doug Ford’s MPPs keep blocking us,’ Stiles said in [a] video posted on [last week]. ‘So we decided to give the government until May 6 to reverse this unjust rule or expect us and the community to defy the ban.’ ” (CBC)

Remember last week’s rant against political parties that steal our vote? Here is another example of how the leader of the Ontario Conservatives, instead of taking a stand that is principled and right, decides to do what is going to be politically advantageous.

Let’s end on a less grumpy note:

“I must be getting bald. It’s taking longer and longer to wash my face.” (Harry Hill)

“I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those red knives.” (Bill Bailey)


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