The Subterranean Isolationist Homesick/ Homeschooling Blues: Part II


by Peter Johnson, Upper Oxford Mills

Greetings North Gremlins. I don’t know how much longer we will be able to do this (read a local paper)… hopefully many more. You see, now is a tough time for everyone—small businesses are especially hard hit…and newspapers in particular.

I was listening to a program on the venerable CBC and the point was being made that, at this time, with so much time on our hands, people are reading newspapers more than before – but newspapers are failing… going out of business. Some will not be able to start up again when this is over. Large national papers are finding that this is a tough time. Now, with the impact on the economy and businesses unable to buy advertising, their main source of revenue is drying up. If it is tough for the big papers, imagine the squeeze here in North Grenville with this, our local publication.

I have noticed each week that the number of advertisements has been dwindling down to almost nothing. This is not like a pizzeria shutting down…or a coffee shop…of which there are several; the NG-Times is the ONLY one we have in our community. It is essential. It is a vital part of our community.

So, this week I did a bit to help: I took out a voluntary subscription to the paper. I should have done this a long time ago. If I look forward to its arrival in my mailbox every week, why would I NOT pay for it? Similarly, if I think that Saunder’s Country Critters is providing a much-needed service, why would I NOT help out there too? So I did. And, a few months back, when Big Sky Ranch needed help to feed their rescued animals, I asked myself, ‘How can I NOT do something here?’

Again, I did. It was not a big thing for me, but it was for them and the animals in their care.

This is a time when we all need to stick together and help each, in every part of our community. These people are not asking for help for themselves – they are too altruistic for that – they are asking for our assistance to support the things that they provide to our community… so I ask you, ‘How can you not?’

I should emphasize here that the owners of the NG- Times have not spoken to me about this…they are people of high standards and unquestionable taste – which means they try to avoid talking to me; they likely find it confusing and tiring. But I believe that this community newspaper is an ‘essential’ service that they provide, so I encourage everyone who can, to help out. Okay, now on to something a bit more ‘levitating’.

I went to a school with very, very rich kids. They threw gold bars at me. I was the victim of bullion. If you are worried about the coronavirus, rest assured the pharmaceutical companies are working around the clock to find the most profitable cure. Prince Charles has been diagnosed with the coronavirus…which proves that it is heir-born.

A politician was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year’s toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.”

Back in 2008, a reporter asked Trump’s business press aide, ‘Who do you think will win the presidency?’ He said quickly, ‘Obama.’ When asked why, he replied, ‘Has anyone run a race against a Kenyan and won?’

Be well everyone…let’s remain strong, let’s all work together to get through this so we can continue to be a strong community on the other side.

But, before you go…
(Just as a point of clarification; for both Part I & II of the Subterranean Homesick…articles, the items are/ were presented solely for the readers’ amusement and are/ were in no way intended to infer that I am a professional humorist who is solely responsible for their creation. They are anonymous items that have been gleaned from various sources, available to all, throughout the internet. I am merely the aggregator- -the Shop Vac if you will, who has vacuumed them up and shook them out on the page. I thought that this was understood, but apparently, it was in need of some clarification. So please, do not send me contributions/ attributions/donations for that which is not mine.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here